I am writing to you because my feelings for my husband have reached a crisis point and I want you to tell him he has to change – it will sound better if it comes from you (men! You have to tread around this one like you’re walking on egg shells!).
Things started to go south when I spent some time with my sister, she has a huge detached house in the middle of the countryside. It has cream carpets, velvet curtains and a very nice gas fire in the living room AND a huge conservatory leading to the back garden. I don’t have a house like this and I want one, I left feeling my husband was very inadequate next to my brother in law (can you pray for him please, he had a nervous breakdown recently due to financial pressures).
Next there is John. I work with John and we get on like a house on fire. We have the same sense of humour and we spend lots of time laughing and joking about work and just about everything else. Nothing has happened between us (who do you think I am?) but we have so much in common and the time I spend with John is just so much more fun than the time I spend with my husband. Can you tell my husband he has to copy John’s good points please? I’ll send a list in the next post.
Another pointer I want you to give him is in the spiritual sphere. I went to a religious talk recently and the speaker was just amazing, he made the earth move for me. My husband is a religious man, but nothing next to this guy (who has an international reputation and is mentioned in Wikepedia). All I can do is spend my time dreaming about what a wonderful example of manhood this speaker is – and so close to God! Just what I need in my life, I have dropped hints but they haven’t been picked up on, I’m sure you can whip my husband into shape for me (just be a bit tactful though, I don’t want him to start sulking!).
There is a mistruth in the last paragraph. I don’t spend all my time dreaming about this religious icon. I spend a lot of time dreaming about Johnny Depp – isn’t he beautiful, cute and those muscles – oooh. Could you tell my husband to either dress up as Jack Sparrow a couple of times a week or let me hang my Johnny posters up around the house (maybe we could cut the eyes out of one of the posters and my husband could stand behind it and talk to me through it? It’s just an idea of course)
In all honesty, my dreams aren’t restricted to the above. I also have a vision of being swept of my delicate tootsies by a six foot hunk who is just crazy about me, he adores me and there is a volcano of chemistry between us – my husband could learn a lot from reading the paperback romantic novels I have hidden behind the toilet cistern in the second bathroom. If he asks how you know about them can you tell them you left them there? Thanks. Another option is that he starts to listen to the raunchy music and watch the Hollywood films I get so much out of – I think watching Gladiator (Russell Crowe – IN A MASK *swoon*)together would add a je ne sais quoi to our marriage.
Oh, and before I forget. I am doing a part time Masters degree and my tutor is just the most intellectually stimulating man I have spoken to for a long time. We went for coffee after class last weekend and he told me all about his latest book. It would really give my marriage a boost if my husband became a best selling academic author, don’t put too much pressure on him though – he doesn’t have to make it a very long book.
You want to know something funny? When I read through this letter it almost makes me sound – well a bit disloyal! He he he! Since when was looking, thinking, fantasising and mentally replacing your husband considered adultery? It’s all harmless fun and totally normal – I read so in Cosmopolitan Magazine. I can see from your Shelfari that you recommend “Every woman’s Battle” do you think I should glance through it or should I start on Jane Austin?
Lots of love