Morning Pages

Morning Pages

And so today I start my morning pages.  Uncensored thoughts of what is inside me.  The only thing matters to me right now is to look up at the screen and to see of the font is actually representing my writing voice. And it doesn’t seem to be.  I need a font that is void of all style.  Of all curls.  Because this is the me that has on no masks. I used to think Makeup was a mask to hide under.   Now I see it as something different.  I see it as something the helps me be better than I am.  Dressed and ready.  My feet are cold so I am going to go and get my boots to keep them warm.  I intend to nourish my body with whatever it needs, especially warmth.

I’m back, with cozy toes.  Last night I couldn’t sleep bcz my feet were cold so I texted Ibi to ask him that, if he was still downstairs could he make me a hot water bottle? He was, and he did.  May Allah bless him.  May Allah bless all of my children.  I am so grateful to have them in my life, and I pray that Allah will give them long lives with piety and submission to Him.

We went to Ha-Meem last night, Hannah included, and I was worried that she wouldn’t wake up this morning for school, but Alhamdolillah, she did.  That gives me hope.  Hope that my life is going to get easier as she can come with me to places in the evenings.  But then I wonder, do I really want to add other things to my evenings? I don’t want to fill up my life just because I now can.

I want to keep my life quieter and slower because, well just because.  For no reason other than I want to focus on the words ‘slower’ and ‘quieter’ and truly understand what they mean.

Oh, to be a human being instead of human doing. The quiet life calls me like the sea calls Moana.  I want to stop telling my life and my kids ‘yes, I’m coming, just one sec, I just need to finish this one thing….’

I have intended on writing my morning pages ever since I heard about it at New Oceans NLP about seven years ago. And today, it seems, I am ready.  Or my life is ready for it.  My environment, including my home, my routines, my children, my husband and his routines, they are all coming together to enable me to be able to sit and type.   I love to write.  And so I am re-writing my morning routines.  It’s funny how things change and we have to consciously learn things, and write them down as to-do lists until one day we see them as unconscious habits.  Today I don’t need cleaning morning routines, like I did when I first started Inspirity Surrenders.  I find myself swishing and swiping and ensuring hotspots stay clear out of habit.  27-fling bogeys just happen whenever they are needed and charity is dropped off regularly… life is calmer now Alhamdolillah.

My morning routine for who I am today is all about health, centering and experiencing what it means to be quiet and slow. Granted, I am going to stop writing this and rush off to pick up Hannah from school as its Friday, but I am grateful for the fact that I sat down today and organised my thoughts.

If I were to have two focus words today, they would be quiet and slow.

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