It is often said that pornography is the largest business in the world and it’s easy to see why – sex is highly addictive. The facts are that it’s as highly addictive if not more so than all the other common addictions that can end up running our lives. From smoking to alcohol, and from drugs to gambling, it holds the same prize for the seller as all of the above, gigantic cash rewards and is massively successfully marketed all around us in our everyday world in newspapers, magazines, on TV and of course on the internet.
So the questions are, why is pornography so addictive, what’s the root cause and how, if it’s affecting your life, can you escape its clutches. The answers may just surprise you.
One black American comedian shocked his audience to the core when he said that Bill Clinton’s sexual escapade in the Oval Office with Monica Lewinsky was in fact his wife Hillarie’s fault. Then he backed it up with a reason that, whilst not technically correct, leads us to at least investigate male sexual additions from a new perspective. Now before all women jump in the air and dismiss all claims that their man’s addiction is not their dam fault, hear me out, this article is not about blaming anyone, it’s about understanding what’s going on at a deeper level. And with this understanding, you might, just might, start to find a way that frees your relationship of this scourge…
So let’s consider first, the, ‘why’ men get addicted to porn. The thing is it’s certainly not what it seems on the surface, it’s not plain and simply that men need sex every few minutes as some would have us believe, sex is merely a symptom of the source of the challenge. The source is that every man and woman on this planet is searching for one thing and one thing alone and that’s ‘love’. Deep unconsciously within everyone is the human need to experience love, which if you think about it is a very high energy feeling and would hold hands with other high energy feelings we search for daily such as joy, happiness, fulfilment and even bliss.
The truth is whilst we unconsciously desire to experience these higher energy states, most of us live in a world of stress and unhappiness where we are sold on mass, in every direction you look, many differing ways to feel better about ourselves. This when translated, is us swapping our current low feeling state for a higher feeling state. So I ask you, what do you do to feel better when stressed? Maybe you pop into Starbuck’s and get your fix of coffee, or maybe you visit your local for a beer or glass of wine and of course that’s all socially acceptable, but remember all you are actually doing, all be it unconsciously, is giving yourself a little injection of a drug that lifts your state.
The pornographers have an angle on sales that’s got a very special kick built into it that raises our feeling experience to a huge height. It’s a feeling that’s powerfully addictive yet not as socially acceptable as your fix of coffee, it has an orgasm at the end of it. Orgasm, I guess you will agree, is one of a humans highest feeling experiences, so if I’m correct that all we are all looking for is to experience a higher energy state, an orgasm really dose fit the bill. Yet deep at the core of us all is the search for love, so could it be possible I ask that actually when a man turns to porn for his higher energy feeling, what he really is seeking is love itself.
Now ladies this is where you come in, I always say that unconsciously we are walking around with signs hanging around our necks, these invisible signs are picked up by the opposite sex. Women have three basic invisible unconscious signs, see if you can spot which you might be wearing. ‘Open For Sex’, ‘Closed For Sex’ or ‘Open For Love’. Now if your man is hooked on porn, the most likely sign you have on display is ‘Closed For Sex’. This is not only the wrong sign to be showing your man, it’s the wrong sign for you as well, as you are shutting out any possibility of experiencing what you really want as well, that feeling of love.
The net effect when you are ‘Closed For Sex’ by deliberately withholding it, is that he will be left looking for his fix elsewhere. So where will he go, yes you got it, he will go to a woman that has a sign on saying ‘Open For Sex’ and where can he easily find that, you got it again, pornography! And let’s be honest when you are addicted to something, the draw to need it now is huge and you will get it anyway you can. Think about it, if you are a coffee head, you will do almost anything to get your hands on a cup of coffee, how would it be sex is no different and remember it’s for sale absolutely everywhere plus added to that, it’s upwardly addictive as well. That means that if your man starts by masturbating with a copy of Playboy in his other hand, it won’t be long before he will be wanting the real thing and the western world is awash with prostitutes ready and waiting for your man’s knock on their door.
We have then the why pornography is highly addictive, we also have the root cause, both in essence are because we all are chasing the higher energy feeling in our body of love.
So how exactly can you as a couple escape this demon of an addiction.
Here are five tips for both men and women of what each of you can do to get started.
Solutions For Men
1. Open up to the question of, ‘Am I addicted to sex’, if this is a yes, then that, believe it or not this is the best start for you. Awareness that orgasm is just making you feel better in the moment can help you take some action to look for a better way to meet your needs.
2. Look closely at your relationship with your partner and ask yourself, ‘is this relationship meeting my needs’? If you answer ‘NO’, ask yourself this question. ‘What am I doing that is making my woman withhold her love from me’? Be open to the fact, that you are not a victim of her withholding. How would it be you are creating the experience you are having with her that is making her close down to you intimately?
3. To experience love, you have to give love. What can you do to love your woman, what needs to happen for you to meet her needs so she does open up to you. I expect you did this at the beginning of your relationship, so what did you do then that worked and what could you do right now that would have her move lovingly towards you?
4. It is said that women need compliments like they need water and shoes, are you complimenting her, as this will move her towards you? Are you cherishing her like a princess, if not be ready for the consequences. How could you cherish this woman every day of your life, the results will be worth it? Do you give your woman certainty about yourself and the future with you? If not she will be taking the lead in your relationship and that will just piss you off. Men are born leaders, if you don’t lead she will do the job for you and that is the death nail of many relationships. Step up man and be the leader and expect magic to happen both in life and in the bedroom.
5. Ask for professional help immediately, email Tony & Nicki Vee today on firstname.lastname@example.org or go to www.tonyandnickivee.com and watch the video and listen to the recording on the home page totally free. Then consider what will happen to your relationship if you do nothing about this addiction. Statistically you are most likely, if you are married, to end up going through the physical and emotional nightmare of divorce. Asking for help makes sense and rest assured you will not be judged in any way and our service is fully confidential.
Solutions For Women
1. Be truthful with yourself, are you in anyway withholding love from your man? If this is a ‘YES’, remember all humans are seeking is love, what needs to happen for you to really share your love with him? Change your unconscious sign from ‘Closed For Sex’ to ‘Open For Love’.
2. Are you judging him or being superior in any way to him or even blaming him for his actions. If ‘YES’ to any of the above then ‘Stop IT’. Look for what’s really going on, as you are actually, even if unconsciously, making him move away from you in an unhealthy way.
3. Does he do anything at all that you hate? Have you told him you hate it? If ‘YES’ then stop telling him. The simple fact is and ask any man if this is true, when a woman tells a man what to do, what he most likely will do is the opposite. Worse still if he does it to please you, this will move you further apart as well. Pleasing leaves you thinking he is weak and he will resent the fact he is doing what you tell him to do. The trick here is acknowledge what he does that’s great and tell him why you love and appreciate the way what he does makes you feel. Then put your man on a pedestal, tell him why he is the best man in the world. Do this constantly and be ‘Open To Love’ and it won’t be long before your man no longer needs his porn fix!
4. Remember love is about giving, not taking, trying to get or withholding, what could you give that he loves? The trick here is to give unconditionally and not to be attached to any outcome, as that would be ‘trying to get’. Just give and be open to things magically changing.
5. Ask for professional help immediately. Tips are great and of course there is so much more to it than a good tip. Tony & Nicki Vee are renowned experts that get incredible results by helping couples understand and meet each other’s needs at the highest level.
Mail email@example.com or watch a free video and listen to a free recording at www.tonyandnickivee.com then fill in the form and we will connect with you real fast so you start to experience the loving relationship you really want. Our services are totally confidential.
Tony Vee www.tonyandnickivee.com
Written especially for Cherished and Successful, thanks Tony!