Many women have come to me saying their husbands treat them like dirt… a whole plethora of disgusting actions… name calling, shoving, even.. spitting! Sigh. Dear ladies, take heart. He may be hurting you right now, but surrendering to the fact that you can only change yourself can probably help you….
So, am I saying you should just give in and let him treat you that way? Not at all! As a woman and a human being, you have as much self-worth as the person next to you, and never give up that right.
A surrendered wife admits when she has been hurt. She lets her hurt and sadness show, and doesn’t keep it bottled in. She doesn’t try to keep it nice, by ignoring it and brushing it under the carpet, for if she does, eventually there will be so much gunk under there, that one day she will erupt and become a foul mouthed angry woman who has decided she is going to give as good as she gets! Female venom! The fury of a woman scorned!!! And the poor husband will be left licking his wounds… preparing for round two.
So, what does she do when her husband taunts her, jibes her and treats her like dirt? She tells him plain and simply, that she is really hurt. That she doesn’t accept to be treated this way. And she walks away.
And what does she do when she walks away? Retreats to her bedroom defeated, and cries endless tears, drenching her pillow? Walks around moping and giving her husband the silent treatment, feeling utterly rejected?
No. She busies herself with self-care. She does things that she likes to do. She fills up her other love tanks. She makes sure she works on all the other areas of her life: and she reminds herself that her husband is not the centre of her universe.
If you surrender to the fact that you can still be happy, even if your husband chooses to be foul mouthed and bitter, you send out a very strong message. That you have dignity and won’t silently endure his behaviour (i.e. you let him know plain and clear that you are hurt) and that if he chooses to be nasty, then you can have fun without him! Go run a bath, phone your sister or a friend, go round and visit someone. Don’t give him the silent treatment, but be sure to stay a bit on the quiet side when you are around him for the next few days… let him know that you have been hurt, and your sparkly liveliness is not for him, and is now being directed on: you. Approach all other areas of your life with happiness and gratitude, and enjoy every moment of it; and when he is around… just stay a bit quiet…. he’ll get the message.
Once a woman stops focussing on her husband and starts focussing on her own self-care, something amazing happens. She starts to shine. She starts to feel fresh. She has a bounce to her step. She can sit in a reverie about all sorts of wonderful things… the wooden chest she is refurbishing, the new dress she has started to sew, the magazine she has bought which has the perfect picture for her scrap-book…. And she radiates peace within her which will make a nasty man transform into a mope. It will force him to question why he is such a bully… why he behaves in such a pathetic way. Especially when you are having so much fun on… your side of the party.
Go on ladies, tackle the problem head on, the feminine way – restore the dignity that you have lost. I know you can do it.
Note: This article has been written for women whose husbands possess plain old nasty characteristics, and is not intended for women whose husbands are physically abusive to them.