How many times have we said something nasty and cutting to the men we love? Well, in order to preserve the intimacy and to have a masculine husband, he really does need to be respected, and what’s more, he needs to feel worthy enough for your respect. His chest needs to be all swelled up in our presence, and he really does need to feel like “The Man”. When you say hurtful things regarding his appearance, character or manners, you really are not showing him the respect he deserves. Pause to think for a moment – would you treat your best friend like that? Most of us wouldn’t!
One of the principles of Surrendering is to apologise to him when you have disrespected him. And what is the way you are meant to do it? Get the word “disrespectful” in there somehow! I can feel a lot of women cringing now….!
Why cant we do it? I mean, why cant we express how we feel properly? Most of us really haven’t mastered the art of communicating in a feminine manner. We tend to communicate in a matter-of-fact way, without wanting to appear meek or wishy washy – but that really isn’t what men want from us. They want us to be soft, gentle and shy, they also want us to be clear and confident about what we want, and to let them know when we are upset… yet we have such a hard time doing this that we clam up and think they are going to say no, laugh at our dreams. But we don’t have any shyness when it comes to criticising them, telling them they need a hair cut or that they should start exercising (ie we think they have put on weight!).
Well, as a Surrendered Wife Apologising Veteran, I have devised a 4 stage plan which should really make the whole communication process less painful. I call it The 4 Stages of Communication. These four stages can be used for apologising, expressing your hurt & vulnerability and also for expressing desires… and if you really are a monster and don’t know how to express gratitude, you can use it for saying thank you aswell, lol! Try to stay in each stage for at least 3 opportunities where you have needed to express yourself before moving to the next stage:
- Say it with a text message If you really cant muster out an apology, express how much he has hurt you, or express what you really want, send him a text message. It is easier than speaking it out.
- Read out your lines over the phone Once your comfortable with sending out text messages, write out what you want to say on a paper, phone him up and read it out to him using all your expression!
- Say it to him face to face… in the dark Great! you’ve gotten this far, now you need to say it when your lying in bed at night and the lights are out. Squeeze out those words full of expression, although you can cringe and close your eyes – he cant see you!
- Say it loud, say it proud And now, take a deep breath and say it to his face, using all of your expression and use the correct facial features too! By now you should be a pro – you would have had at least 9 opportunities to say it without him seeing you. Go for it!
Feedback would be appreciated!