Cherished and Successful
  • Home
  • Leadership
    • Homemaking
    • Masculine vs. Feminine
    • Self Development
    • Parenting
  • Love
    • Self Care
    • Gratitude
    • Giving Love
    • Intimacy
  • Wisdom
    • Intuition
    • Mrs Hopeless
    • NLP – Modelling Excellence
    • Communication
    • Tough Times
    • Prayers
  • Justice
    • Respect
    • Boundaries
    • Pornography Addictions
  • Coaching
    • Coaching
    • Coaching Options
    • Cherished Seasons
    • 12-Week Coaching Programme
  • The Book
    • About The Book
    • Buy The Book
Tough Times

Bad Childhood Good Life by Dr Laura Schlessinger

by
Aunty Thankful
-
February 18, 2013

Share this:

  • Print
  • Email
  • Tweet
Bad Childhood Good Life by Dr Laura Schlessinger
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Please read this book yourself if you, or someone you know, had a difficult childhood which they’re still stuck in. These summaries encapsulate what I got from reading the book, there’s plenty more in there which may benefit you.

 Some people have horrible childhoods – a portion of whom will overcome the difficulties of their early years and a portion of whom will stay in victimhood. Why? Dr Laura says victimhood is the result of bad habits and she gives a list of bad habits people have which keep them in victimhood:

1) Identity.

In other words you see yourself as a victim, it’s like a calling card which attracts ‘like’ people and the attention, compassion, understanding and sympathy which come with being a victim. To leave that behind can feel risky, being identified as a victim is a bad habit.

2) Rewards

Very few people want to be cruel or callous, if you tell them a sob story you’ll probably get a group of friends who will cater for you and attend your ‘pity parties’. In reality they aren’t helping you recover, by saving you the pain of moving on they’re helping you stay a victim. The rewards are a habit.

3) Routine

You get used to the familiar, dysfunctional routines and refuse to give them up. A victim would rather lurch from trauma to trauma than to get out of their comfort zone and heal. The routine of being a victim is a bad habit.

4) Revenge

The victim has a point to prove and will hurt themselves or others to get back at their parents (or the carer who abused them). Perhaps they’ll flunk college to get revenge on an overly critical parent, or cold, dogmatic parents have a promiscuous (rebellious) daughter to deal with. Revenge is a bad habit.

5) Dependency

Some victims resent anyone else being happy “it’s alright for you, you haven’t had the raw deal I’ve had” kind of attitude. Friends and relatives cannot ever satisfy or comfort the victim, they have to hide their joys and commiserate with them instead. The victim becomes a dependent burden on other people, which is a bad habit.

6) Excuses

Blaming your childhood means you never have to blame yourself, you need never take responsibility for your own decisions. Think of a woman who chose her husband and when the marriage went bad she blamed her mother; “how could I choose a good man with her as a mother?”. It was her choice, by using her mother as an excuse she absolved herself of any responsibility. Making excuses is a habit.

7) Avoid Challenges

Wounded souls are often excused the work of challenging themselves. “She’s had a tough life, of course she can’t trust her husband with all that emotional baggage” for example, but trusting your husband is a challenge we should all undertake – it opens the door to intimacy. Avoiding challenges is easy, but it’s a bad habit.

8) Centre of the Universe

Victims need to be looked after, and they don’t have to think of other people’s needs or feelings. Everyone treads carefully around the victim so they don’t upset them or “set them off”. It’s a position of power and a bad habit.

9) Change is scary/hard

You learnt how to survive as a child – perhaps you learnt crying/shouting got you your own way, or sulking made people apologise. Maybe you were taught to be quiet and be a ‘good girl’ who didn’t assert herself, or you had to be a people pleaser lest your parents shouted at you. But as an adult these learned behaviours have a price, yet it’s frightening and difficult to overcome the psychological barriers between you and healthy behaviours. Fear of change is a habit.

In summary: It is hard to leave the past behind you, especially if you were the victim of a bad childhood. But it’s the only way to build a good, healthy, adult life.

Related


Related Posts

Mrs. Hopeless just can’t…. or can she?

Mrs. Hopeless just can’t…. or can she?

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Mrs. Hopeless was busy cooking one morning whilst her baby was asleep and the other children were at school. She was excited because she was going to meet her friend for lunch at a cafe! As she mentally checked off all her chores as she […]

HALT

HALT

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Dear Self. This is a plea that you intervene And stop what’s going on Things cannot continue like this We need relief and we are Not Getting it. We feel let down, who can we turn to But you? It leaves us bewildered How You […]

Mrs. Hopeless Treads on His Dreams

Mrs. Hopeless Treads on His Dreams

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

The Case of Mrs. Hopeless. Mrs Hopeless was terribly excited as her 10th anniversary approached; she wanted to celebrate her wonderful marriage in style! When she approached her dh, he was non-committal and tried many times to the change the subject. Mrs. Hopeless had her […]


Feminine touches
The Ghost of the Past

Do leave a comment! Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Order Your Copy Today
Buy Workbook
Read The E-Book Now

Universal Principles

Principles that you can apply to any aspect of your life and relationships not just in marriage!

I’ve come such a long way since my work with you

I was in such a mess with that relationship. I worked through my worthiness, self-love, finding myself and building my relationship with Allah. You introduced me to a whole new world

The Four Traits of a Cherished Muslimah

Sara’s words penetrate deep

I began seeing the man I married that very evening.

I came to the session thinking it cant help my marriage that drastically but the effects were instantaneous!

I now have the tools to continue making improvements within my marriage, most importantly changes within myself.

Nearly on the verge of divorce

Attending this two-day workshop was a memorable experience.

It helped my marriage at a time when it was nearly on the verge of a divorce.

Alhamdulillah, this is 6 years of a peaceful marriage – been married 18 years now.

Sara empowered me to set boundaries, and stand up for myself.

She reminded me about my intentions and goals, and in general to have a much happier marriage and life.

Sara has helped me in so many ways!

By allowing me to feel more empowered, by showing me how to action boundaries,

by helping me to find my self-esteem,

by explaining how other people may be feeling and how to understand this,

by enabling me to do self-care things which are helpful to me.

 

 

ABOUT        CONTACT

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Instagram
Copyright © 2020 - Sara Malik
  • Juliet Pro by LyraThemes.com
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.