Dear Daughter
Today I want to talk to you about something very special.
As you are aware, your body has been changing a lot recently, and you have started your periods. MashaAllah I love how you came to me as a baby, and now you are on your way to becoming a young lady!
My beloved daughter, today, I want to talk to you about how girls and women have been created uniquely by Allah, and so have boys and men. I want to tell you how special women are and how we have been given certain qualities that are a gift to the whole of the world!
The differences between girls and boys
Have you ever noticed that boys and girls are so different? Boys like to wear their hair shorter, and girls grow it longer, putting clips and hair bands in it to make it look even more beautiful, the dye it different colours when they are older, they braid it.
Boys tend to have hair that is easy to manage, mostly they keep it short; they don’t put beautiful things on it.
Girls like to wear clothes with different materials and designs; boys tend to wear simpler clothes.
Boys have deeper vices, whereas women have higher, sweeter voices.
Boys have more facial hair, and they grow beards, whereas girls don’t have that much and remove any extra hair they have.
Boys like to play more fighting games and scream loudly, jumping bout everywhere, whereas girls like to play more creative games where everyone plays together
When girls and boys get a bit older, like you are now, their bodies begin to change and they start the process of growing up and become young adults.
Did you ever notice that your breasts are changing? That’s another difference. Girl’s breasts start growing and become very tender and sensitive. That’s why they wear bras, so support their breasts as they grow and keep them safe from scrapes and knocks. Boys are different. Their breasts don’t grow, but instead, they begin to get hairy chests. They start to get deeper voices, and their facial hair starts growing thicker, and they start to develop moustaches and beards.
Girls start their monthly periods just like you did, and boys begin to develop a liquid inside them called sperm.
Girls and boys are also different because of their private parts. The area that is underneath your underwear is special and private, and should never to be shown to anyone as we have always spoken about. And it is called your vagina. It is hidden and inside. It is so sensitive and delicate, and Allah created it this way so that it can be protected. It is so special and valuable.
Boys also have a private area under their underpants, and they similarly keep it covered. They don’t have a vagina. Instead, they have a penis. It is part of them that is on the outside of their bodies. This is also very delicate and sensitive, and that’s why it hurts them so much if someone hits them there or kicks them!
And as you get older, Allah transforms all the little boys and girls into young men and women! It is a delicate process, just like a caterpillar turns into a butterfly! But, the thing is, instead of it happened overnight, it all happens gradually and slowly.
Why do girls and women have periods?
I know you have probably wondered why we have periods, so let me tell you.
Let me tell you about a wonderful place inside you. It is a little area of your body called the womb, and only girls and women have one. Your womb is a source of mercy – and that is where you get all your tenderness from. That’s what makes girls more caring, loving and gentle than boys.
When a young lady gets married, if Allah wants it to happen, sometimes a baby grows in her womb!
Each month, your womb develops eggs. That’s right! Isn’t that funny! And once your periods start, each month your womb gets ready to have a baby. It does this by creating a thick safe lining for the egg to develop and grow. And each month, if there is no fertilised egg, it releases the lining, and it comes out her vagina, and that is why we have periods.
Do boys have periods?
Boys bodies also start to change slowly to change and develop into men so that they can be fathers. This is also a process that takes many years. Their bodies begin to develop a fluid called sperm. And when they have too much sperm inside them, their bodies release it out of their penis. This happens when they are sleeping, and when they wake up, they have to have a shower. These are called wet dreams.
Opposites attract
As you start to grow and develop into a young lady, you will start to notice that boys look so different, and look cute! Even though they have deep voices, shout and scream, have hairy faces, something about them is attractive! This is normal, and the way that Allah has created us. He has put that attraction inside us for a reason, which is what I will talk to you about next. Similarly, as boys start to grow into men, they get attracted to girls and young women and find their softness and delicate beauty and clothes very beautiful. Allah created both boys and girls, men and women so different, and made them attract one another.
But the thing is, even though it is natural for a young lady to be attracted to a young man, once they start to develop and become adults, they have to start taking extra care. Allah also designed men and women to be married, so that two people can love and care for one another, and have a family together. That’s why Allah doesn’t allow girls friends and boyfriends or dating and romance unless the woman and man are married to one another.
And so, if you do like someone, that’s okay! We all have special qualities about us and others will recognise those in us, and if they do, it is a beautiful thing. What is not okay is to start thinking romantic thoughts about them. If you see something good about a boy, appreciate it, and always pray for them to become even better and more beautiful, and to be men who worship Allah in the most beautiful ways.
Attractive females
My dear daughter, have you ever seen a peacock, and how he displays his beautiful feathers? He does this to attract the female peahen. You see, Allah designed the peacock to have beautiful, showy, colourful feathers, and in contrast, the female peahen is simple and brown. When the peacock wants to attract the peahen, he shows his feathers and starts to make sounds that are very attractive to the peahen. When she hears these sounds and watched him show his feathers, she goes running towards them, and they have a romantic union!
But do you know, for men and women, Allah made it the opposite. It is the woman who shows off her beauty and makes beautiful noises. Her body is beautiful, her hair is beautiful, her breasts are beautiful, and her voice is soft and melodious, and when she uses her beauty, her man will come running to her!
A man can attract his wife as well, but in different ways, he can make his deep voice soft and caring, he can say nice things to her and admire her beauty, he can get her gifts or help her out. These are all ways he shows his love to her.
Yet, we must always remember that human beings are not like animals. They must be married to do all of this attracting and chasing, and that is why Muslims don’t have girlfriends or boyfriends. A man can only chase after a woman’s beauty if he is married to her, and a woman can only charm a man if she is married to him. That is why Allah told women to cover their beauty with clothes and a hijab and only show their husbands, brothers, fathers and uncles.
Sex
Do you remember that I told you that if there is no fertilised egg in the womb, then the womb discharges the lining every month? Well, now I am going to tell you about one of the most important things about life. This is such a special secret! Remember, I always told you that I would tell you about certain things when you are older? Well, this is what I was talking about. I’m so happy you are old enough for me to tell you! I want you to listen very carefully and not share this with anyone.
As you have been growing up, I’m sure you have heard the word ‘sex’? Well, this is just a short form way of speaking about something very special that happens between and woman and man. Allah created men and women so different like I have been telling you. And they have been created so differently for a purpose. You know Allah says in the Quran, that He didn’t create man without a purpose. Well, once of the reasons we have been created, it is to reproduce and create children. Can you imagine that no woman had any babies? What would happen? All of mankind would die after the first man and woman! But Allah created a perfect plan, he created Sayyidina Adam and Sayyida Hawwa, both differently, and made opposites attract and made the man want to be close to a woman and a woman to be close to a man. That is why the Messenger of Allah ﷺ encouraged men and women to marry each other and to love each other.
Now, I am going to tell you about sex and what it is. It is a very beautiful and wonderful action that Allah created for a husband and wife to love each other. It is one of the loveliest ways that a married couple can show each other love. During sex, and husband and wife kiss and touch each other in soft and gentle ways, and lie very close to one another in bed. They whisper words of love to one another and hug one another. Then the husband puts his penis inside his wife’s vagina, and it feels good for both of them. After a little while, the husband’s penis releases sperm, and it goes inside the wife’s womb.
Do you remember when I told you that every month a woman’s womb makes eggs? Well, if the womb has an egg inside, and some of the sperm reach the egg, then this egg becomes fertilised. If this happens, then it is a very amazing thing. Do you know what happens to an egg when it is fertilised? It starts to grow from a tiny egg into a little baby! Just like a little chicken in an egg! The baby begins to grow and grow inside the woman’s womb.
And so, do you see how a baby can’t be born unless, and husband and wife have sex? This is the beautiful way that Allah has designed so that babies are born! And that is why a woman can only have a baby once she gets married and has a husband. She can’t have a baby all by herself.
But do you know, a woman won’t have a baby each time she has sex? Sometimes there may not be any egg there, or sometimes her womb won’t be ready or prepared to hold the fertilised egg. And so, no fertilisation can take place. But that’s okay. It’s okay for husbands and wives to enjoy sex and not have any babies. It is something that Allah has created for them to enjoy. It is a beautiful and wonderful gift.
These things are all private
My daughter, I must tell you something very important now. You know I always told you that I would speak to you about these things when you are older? The reason was that little girls aren’t able to understand such big subjects. The may find it worrying and embarrassing. Some might even find it funny or exciting and talk to their friends about it. This topic is very private and shouldn’t be discussed openly. These are private matters that happen in the bedroom, and because of this, they should always be discussed privately.
Also because it is such a delicate topic, it is always better that mothers talk about it with their daughters, and fathers talk about it with their sons. Try not to talk about this subject with your friends, as their mothers might not have told them yet, and you don’t want to tell them something that would confuse them.
Also, don’t discuss this topic at all with boys. Just like you wouldn’t talk to a boy, or a girl, about their private parts, similarly, don’t talk to them about the topic of sex. Of course, you can talk about them with me, and I am here to answer any questions that you may have.
Shyness is part of being a good slave Allah, by keeping private matters covered. This is why it is not okay to see scenes of sex on television of the internet – these are private matters between a husband and wife, and it is a big tragedy that you see things shown openly. If you ever see anything like this, know that this shouldn’t be public, and look away.
It is also a good idea to not think about these things all the time. In this time we are living in, so many things are all about sex. You see young girls in cartoons talking about boyfriends, or going on dates, you even read about parents having boyfriends and girlfriends. When you hear something that is not Islamic or goes against the ways that we have been taught to live, we should stop listening or watching. In the time we live in, lots of things which are private are being discussed openly in ways that are very unhealthy. You will even see some women on TV wearing clothes that show all of their beauty, and you may see part of their breasts – but these things should only be shown to their husbands and privately. The TV, internet and even books you read will try to put the topic of sex into lots of things. We don’t need to think of sex all the time, there are so many other things to do in life, and that’s what you should do.
I have told you so many things today about women and men, about how they are created so differently, and how they attract one another, have sex and have babies. Even the animals have babies like this, but instead of sex, it is called mating. This is all part of Allah’s way of keeping the world alive!
Everything at the right time
Remember, this is a wonderful part of being alive, but it only happens at the right time. That is why this is something only married couples do because the result is often a baby. A baby needs a mother and father to grow, and if for any reason they don’t have one of them, they will have a very difficult life. So many young men and women go out on dates and get close, and they get so close they want to have sex and do have sex. This is very displeasing to Allah and not something a good Muslim should ever do. When non-married men and women do this, the woman often gets pregnant and has a baby with no husband to look after her or her baby.
Every young woman and man needs to know these details, because if they don’t, then they will wonder why their bodies start to change, and also they will start to develop feelings of attraction for the opposite gender, and may not understand why. They might start to think they are in love with someone, whereas actually, it is because they have seen beauty and goodness in someone else and that is something wonderful to see and creates a feeling of joy and happiness inside their hearts.
A mother and daughter bond
So, my darling daughter, these are some of the things I wanted to tell you about growing up and becoming a woman. Do you want to ask me any questions? I am here to talk to you whenever you want to, we can talk now – or even later. We can talk if we go out for a walk together, or if we are sitting in your bedroom or mine. This sort of talk makes mothers and daughters closer and more like best friends! I am so grateful to Allah that He gave me a lovely daughter, just like you!
