One of the very first things Fay Leur (the new-to-surrendering-fairy) had learnt in her marriage was that Elf Husband was not a tidy elf. She had surrendered when it came to housework. Her hairier other half just could not pick his elfish socks off the floor, or put his pointed leather shoes on the shoe rack, the hat with its dingle dangle bell would not find its way onto the hat stand; everything seemed to rest in the wrong place unless she put it into the right place. But once Fay surrendered and picked up old mugs of tea (not to mention tea bags, papers, books, razors, shaving brushes, all manner of clothes/cutlery/kitchen utensils, bookends, coat hangers, moth balls, toothpaste and foot lotion) and put them away without a grudge in her heart, happiness returned to their little toadstool house. Anyhow, she would rather have a laid back husband than one of those OCD elves whose wives had to dust their prize winning beetle collections daily and who refused to read an un-ironed newspaper – it could be a lot worse.
Fay Leur did draw the line when it came to tidying up after her children though and much nagging ensued as she fluttered after them saying their toys needed putting away, the toilets needed flushing, their homework belonged in their school bags, their dirty clothes belonged in the washing machine and would they please put their play doh away before it dried out? “NOW! I SAID NOW!!!!!” became her mantra and she even said it in her sleep. She rewarded them with carrots and punished them with sticks (not literally of course). All to no avail. Finally, she read what Mrs Duggar does and decided her own children needed simple instructions written down rather than verbal instructions repeated endlessly – they did seem to learn better in school that way so maybe it was all down to learning style.
When Elf Husband came home one evening (hoping against all hope that his wife had cooked something normal and was not still experimenting with troll food) glittering posters caught his attention. In the entrance hall was a note for the kids saying they had to put their shoes on the shoe rack. Elf Husband put his shoes on the shoe rack. In the front room was a note for the kids saying they needed to put their bags in the coat cupboard. Elf Husband put his bag in the coat cupboard. In the dining room was a note for the kids saying their plates belonged in the dishwasher. Elf Husband picked up his plate and put it in the dishwasher.
He then stepped over his wife’s unconscious form (fainted dead away) and went on the search for the smelling salts, he noticed there was a look of astonished bliss on her face, but couldn’t work out why.
Revived in body and spirit, Fay got out the glitter glue and marker pens once more and wrote “WISH LIST” in bold letters on the top of a piece of paper. Then she wrote all the things she wanted, all the things she had talked about doing before but had given up for lost, all the little jobs that needed doing in the house and garden that she had pointed out to Elf Husband over months of little chats. She pinned the list to the wardrobe and stayed quiet.
Over the next few months each point on the list was ticked off – Elf Husband really did fly his wife to the moon, he did polish her car and he did paint the roof of the house red with white polka dots. Fay found that writing out a shopping list meant she got the items on the list, rather than the random groceries she ended up with if she said what she wanted. If she texted a request she was more likely to get what she wanted than if she phoned with the same message. Elf Husband did not forget a written message whereas he always forgot spoken ones, it had taken Fay 586 fairy years to work out, but she got there in the end.
