You may be feeling tearful because you haven’t slept all night, and the morning has arrived so quickly.
You may be distressed because your brother’s marriage is falling apart.
You may be bitter and resentful because you have exhausted your energy levels for the day and there is still so much to be done.
But if you don’t tell your loved ones that something is up, and there is a reason that you are distressed, on edge, tearful, bitter, etc, they will assume you are just being crabby for no reason at all. They may not know how to deal with this negativity and may stay away from you, at a time when you might actually need and appreciate them more!
Let them know how you feel
‘I’m feeling really worried today as I spoke with my brother and he’s going through a very difficult time right now.’
‘I’m feeling really exhausted, I didn’t sleep well at all last night’
‘I have so much to do, but haven’t the energy to do it.’
When your husband and children become aware of what’s going on with you, you open the door for them to empathise, sympathise and even help you. They may offer their help with the housework, make you some tea while you relax… much better than them staying away from you because you’re just in a bad mood ‘for some reason’.
Teach them to let you know what they are feeling
More importantly, you teach them through your behaviour that its good to share what they are going through when they feel upset, so they can get the support they need when they are down.
Let them know when you mess up
When you realise that what you said to your husband wasn’t fair or respectful, and apologise and acknowledge that what you said wasn’t nice, you are letting him know that you mean to do better and that you think he deserves to be treated better. Instead of him thinking ‘she doesn’t respect me or treat me fairly’ when you apologise and take ownership of your actions, he knows that you think highly of him, and you are striving to be a better person.
Let them know when they mess up…!
Similarly, if your husband says something to you that isn’t respectful or fair, you can let him know that you expect better from him and want to be treated respectfully.
Why is it important?
When you have heavy stuff going on in your life, you may seem distant, preoccupied, perhaps upset and short-fused. You might not respond or react appropriately. You might be down-right irritated and sensitive…! When you add all that to an environment with lots going on: hectic work schedules, deadlines, school runs, rush hour, after school drop-offs the last thing you need is to add a bad temper to it!
When you let your family what’s going on, it fosters more connection; it helps them see into your world and shows them how to do the same. Open communication helps others to understand what’s going on. It helps them to understand us, and the situation we are in. It gives us the opportunity to cultivate a respectful and merciful environment in your home, creating a place of tranquillity and affection.
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.”
Surah Rum (30:21)
In effect, you become a safer person to be around! Just as it’s not nice to be around someone who is disrespectful, it’s not particularly nice to be such a person either! By letting others know that you are having a tough day, you get the opportunity through this very challenge to connect with the Best of Creation: The Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessing be upon him), and to emulate his way; the way of mercy and gentleness.
It is narrated on the authority of Jabir that he heard the the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessing be upon him) say:
‘A Muslim is he from whose hand and tongue the Muslims are safe.’ (Muslim)
Happy communicating and connecting!
