Once upon a time there was a beautiful fairy called Fay Leur,she lived with Elf Husband in a cute little fairy village full of surrendered happy fairies and their adoring husbands
One day, as Fay was washing the dishes in her little fairy kitchen, she started to dream about a life without dishes and one with a dish washer. Within the space of one hour she had listened to her dream so much that she felt angry she did not have a dishwasher already. She decided to talk to Princess Nurture about it but Nurture was too busy to talk…
She was painting her dishwasher purple. Then Fay phoned Harmony, but Harmony was too busy teaching her dishwasher to giggle. “Good Grief” thought Fay, “the whole world is washing dishes in machines and here I am using my dainty feminine hands” she felt more annoyed than before.
Fay knew she needed help and fast. Firstly she asked Unmarried Friend for advice – “Oh, you need to seduce him! Once you seduced the guy he will give you whatever you want, my husband will, if I ever find him. Just dress up all vulnerable in high heels and tight clothes – oh and change your perfume, he’ll be sick of the one you usually wear!” Feeling a bit upset and unsure of the advice Fay decided to do her best when Elf Husband came home that night, after all what did she know about him really? If she knew how to be a good wife she would have a purple dishwasher giggling in her kitchen right now.
Secondly Fay consulted Marriage Expert, who had been married sixteen times and clearly knew a lot about men and marriage and husbands. Marriage Expert explained that all men are actually psychic and gave all sorts of interesting tips on how to make Elf Husband get a dishwasher.
So when Elf Husband walked home that night he was vaguely surprised to find his wife standing with her hands in a sink full of soap suds (she had read Surrendering Sammy’s post) , in high heels with a satin vest on. “Hi!” she said, flashing a coy smile at him and fluttering her shiny fairy wings at him “have a good day at work?” “NO! Santa is impossible to work for, he complained about my uniform and said I was headed for demotion, I can’t take much more of his rubbish – overweight, red-faced bearded fool! What’s that smell? Have you been killing flies?” Feeling a bit dejected Fay put a nice bright smile on her face – “Oh, my new perfume!” she giggled “Essence of Tea Tree – I thought…” but she was talking to an empty room, Elf Husband had gone into the other room to read a book.
That night Fay leaned over and whispered into his sleeping ears “Dishwasher, Dishwasher, Dishwasher” he stirred in his sleep and she smiled, just a matter of time now!
The following day Elf Husband came home a little bit later than normal. He smiled when he saw his wife and said she was in for a treat, he’d been to the shops and bought her a Fish Bosher. It was a huge club and he demonstrated how she could hit a living fish over the head with it before cooking. As she stared at the fish body lying on her tidy work top with her husband cheerfully bashing its brains out Fay did feel slightly nauseated, but she was too polite to say anything. Later that night Elf Husband came off the phone and said his mum was sending a fish executor from Elfistan for them, more efficient than a Bosher because it could kill ten fish in one go. Fay just stayed quiet, it was rude to refuse gifts, especially ones shipped all the way from Elfistan, she did feel a bit sad that no one had asked her first though…..
Over the weekend Elf Husband did notice his wife was a bit quieter than normal, she stood around a lot, just staring at him with a look of intense concentration. Really, he thought to himself, it is remarkable how she manages to keep going in spite of her mental health problems. Meanwhile Fay was feeling worse and worse, and angrier and more rejected than ever. After 48 hours of thinking about nothing but dishwashers and trying to send the thought to Elf Husband so he would rush to the shops and get her hers, she was starting to worry that all the fish he was eating was numbing his psychic powers. She had visions of her life ahead of her, washing plates and killing fish and her Elfen In Laws coming over to complain about the way she cooked fish – it was all too much.
She called Inspirity.
“Oh, Hi Sweetie” said Inspirity with a dirty chuckle “I was just putting some rose petals in a bath, should I light 5 or six candles do you think? I found a really good face mask too, just waiting for it to dry! What’s up, how’s the surrendering going?”
Fay sobbed the whole story out to Inspirity, how she was married to the most inconsiderate Elf in Santas Grotto, how she couldn’t believe she was married to someone who so clearly didn’t love her. By the time she had finished Inspirity’s face was stuck in place by the dehydrated mask and she could hardly move her lips, the candles were nearly finished and her bath was cold. “Listen” she said, keeping her words to a minimum and thinking about a career change “You should try saying ‘I want a dishwasher’ then say ‘I don’t want the fish thingy from Elfistan’ and leave it at that. The poor guy is probably really confused by you at the moment and you are the lady of the house, not your ElfMIL. If you had told him the things you just told me in a nice feminine way you would be a lot happier and so would he. Stop trying to control and manipulate him with your femininity and say he can do whatever he does to the fish in his shed, not your kitchen.”
Fay suddenly saw what a silly fairy she had been and went to polish her wings and practise what she was going to say to Elf Husband.
The End
